Welcome to our collection of insightful and humorous quotes by the witty and charming Russell Howard. As a renowned British comedian and television presenter, Russell Howard has captivated audiences worldwide with his sharp wit, observational humor, and infectious energy. With a keen eye for the absurdities of everyday life, Howard fearlessly tackles a wide range of topics, from politics and social issues to the quirks of human behavior, all delivered with his signature blend of intelligence and irreverence.
Russell Howard’s comedic style is characterized by his ability to find humor in even the most mundane situations, offering audiences a fresh perspective on the world around them. Whether he’s riffing on the absurdities of modern technology or sharing hilarious anecdotes from his own life, Howard’s sharp comedic timing and quick wit never fail to entertain. With his distinctive brand of comedy, Russell Howard has carved out a unique place in the world of stand-up, earning him a dedicated following of fans who eagerly anticipate his next hilarious observation or witty remark.
Below, you’ll find a selection of Russell Howard’s most memorable and thought-provoking quotes. Feel free to copy them, pair them with an image, or add your own creative touch with stylish fonts. Get ready to be inspired, amused, and perhaps even challenged by the wit and wisdom of Russell Howard.
I worked in a watercress bed, picking weeds out of watercress when I was at school. It was awful. Russell Howard
I get panic attacks about dying, it’s terrible. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my brain goes ‘you’re going to die, you’re going to die, you’re going to die.’ Russell Howard
I’m a very early riser on holiday. I am invariably down at the pool on a sun lounger even before anyone can put a towel on one. Russell Howard
Mumbai was magical, which I was really surprised by, and I got an insight into the world of Bollywood while hanging out with some Bollywood film stars while there. Russell Howard
Like most comedians, I have crippling low self-esteem, so I always think that what I’ve just done is rubbish. Russell Howard
I’m not really a cake man. I’m more a savoury guy. Russell Howard
Los Angeles feels empty and overrated. I struggle with it as a holiday destination. It’s the sort of place where you need to know some locals, otherwise it just feels so empty. Russell Howard
I lived at home until I was 23. Russell Howard
Mum’s side of the family are daft, beautiful and brilliant. Russell Howard
I’m quite good at talking about things I care about. Russell Howard
Question Time’ is a nice forum for reasoned political debate. There’s no point having me on there trying to crack jokes. Russell Howard
I always found it strange, when I went round to other people’s houses for tea and that, how strict their parents were. Russell Howard
Because I don’t wear a suit, and have such a horrible boy band face, people assume that I’m not doing satirical material. Russell Howard
I’ve been doing stand-up for 15 years and I’ve never even been invited to the Comedy Awards! How mental is that? Russell Howard
These are strange times. I’m 37 and this is the weirdest the world’s ever felt. There’s a right-wing, nationalistic anger sweeping through Europe and America. Russell Howard
Britain is perceived as a laughing stock and a mess. It’s a very scary and divided place. Russell Howard
I do cryotherapy, which is where you’re in minus 70 and you have three minutes of deep freeze and your body thinks it’s dying so it produces loads of blood cells and then you’re fine – apparently. Russell Howard
I would just like to be remembered. Russell Howard
I wanna be incidental characters in ‘Only Fools and Horses,’ that would have been good. I wouldn’t mind playing Trigger, Trigger would have been good. Russell Howard
It’s really frustrating when you write a show and it’s really funny and someone and from Standards and Decency says, ‘You can’t put that in because it has a naughty word.’ Russell Howard
I’m not a particularly ambitious person. Russell Howard
I’ve reached the age of 32 with little wisdom, I’m afraid. It’s tragic. I still have to turn to my mum and dad for every decision I make in life. Russell Howard
At a gig in Liverpool I had this lady give me 21 cup cakes she had made herself. It’s not really rock’n’roll is it? Tom Jones gets pants thrown at him and I get given fairy cakes. Russell Howard
Everything I experience in life, I put through the sausage-maker that is comedy, and then try to make it funny for others. Whether that is healthy or not remains to be seen. Russell Howard
I just couldn’t do a comedy show about ‘The History Of Dinosaurs;’ I’d get bored too easily. Russell Howard
I don’t like doing things badly, that just feels like a waste of a day. Russell Howard
My Mum is not used to being in-front of camera. Russell Howard
If I was to get into Twitter I’d expose myself to people who adore me or people who absolutely hated me. Neither of those are useful to my soul. Russell Howard
It’s a bit of a cliche but throughout London, even in places like Notting Hill, you’ll see utter luxury alongside council flats – it shows the tapestry of life and I adore that. Russell Howard
I bought my mum a car, and I bought my brother one of those hoverboards for Christmas, and I bought my family a holiday to Australia. Russell Howard
I think you just have to be comfortable in your own skin, and when I do stand-up or the show I’m in a really good mood. Russell Howard
I don’t want to be one of those comics who says, ‘Hey, what’s wrong with air travel?’ and stuff like that. Russell Howard
I’ll sit down for ‘Stranger Things’ or ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ – or a really good documentary. Russell Howard
The strange thing about people considering me upbeat is that I’m really not. Russell Howard
I spent a lot of my childhood sat on a wall thinking, waiting for my mum to pick me up. Russell Howard
I think all our leaders are utterly beneath us. You just watch ‘Prime Minister’s Questions’ and go: ‘How is this the best that we’ve got?’ Russell Howard
If you’re doing 70 gigs in a tour, there’s a lot of responsibility. People need a big night out, and you’re providing it. Russell Howard
It’s just a joy travelling with your job. You get to wander around these interesting cities and then things happen or you observe things and you go on stage at the end of the night and chat about it. Russell Howard
I’m happy when I’m working. Russell Howard
I like New York, I think you’ve got some of the best comics in the world here. Russell Howard
You can make bleak things funny but if you’re glib about it, it doesn’t work. Russell Howard
I’ve never been on Facebook. My page is run for me. It is the same with Twitter. Russell Howard
Whenever the word ‘weird’ is mentioned it can only be an insult. Russell Howard
The Edinburgh Fringe is a tough beast and you do whatever you can to get through it. But it’s really the worst place to see comedians; everyone is so tense and nervous because it feels like Ofsted inspectors are out there. Russell Howard
I don’t want to do a rabidly left-wing show. I think it’s much more interesting to turn the knife on yourself. Russell Howard
The number of old ladies who’ve beaten me up on TV is absolutely ridiculous. Russell Howard
I have a friend called James who is in his 40s and he’s still not allowed to swear in front of his mum. I find it strange that you can’t be yourself and be open with the one person who brought you into this world. Russell Howard
Doing the O2 Arena in London in 2011 was pretty awesome. Russell Howard
Whenever I come to Ireland, I end up just bantering with the crowd so the show will just be what it is. Russell Howard
I never really wanted to be on telly. Russell Howard
In the summer Regent’s Park is one of the best places in the world with every nationality playing every sport. Russell Howard
When you see the American chat shows, they’ve got so many ideas about what they could with the guests. I did stand-up on ‘Jimmy Fallon’ and they had loads of sketches and ideas, we don’t tend to do that here. Russell Howard
I’m a bit of a Luddite. Russell Howard
I’d been writing jokes since I was 16, not very good ones though, but I was always trying to make my mates laugh. Russell Howard
I don’t really do any corporate gigs or I don’t really cash in which is a bit silly and much to the annoyance of my family. I’d rather just do gigs that I like and TV shows that I like rather than personal appearances at a nightclub. Russell Howard
I find it really weird, when I’m shopping in Tesco, the amount of times I have people like: ‘What you doing in here? You’re famous!’ Russell Howard
Your country becomes funnier the further you are from it. I remember seeing Boris Johnson on the news when I was in Hong Kong, and he looked so much more ridiculous. Russell Howard
There’s a lot of brilliant comics who are amazing, but you can see them doing the same 20 minutes that they were doing five years ago, verbatim. I think that doesn’t lend itself to progressing. Russell Howard
I love Dublin and the locals are extraordinary. Russell Howard
Death by rats would be the worst. Russell Howard
I’d like to have kids. Russell Howard
Portland is incredible. It’s the most amazing place. Russell Howard
If the front-page news is a comedian doing a joke that people think is naughty, that proves there’s no real news that day, does it not? Russell Howard
Genuinely, the first gig I did when I was 18, it felt like the world shifted. I realised that I had stumbled upon a mechanism through which you could view life. Russell Howard
I found out recently that my ‘Good News’ show has a big following in North Korea and the Vatican City! Who knew Kim Jong-un and the Pope liked fast-paced satire? Russell Howard
‘Monty Python’ was never on TV in the U.K. when I was a kid. Russell Howard
I’m not the kind of comic who would try stuff on Twitter, because I have to work up ideas and I can only do that in front of people. Russell Howard
Yeah, I’d love to write a film, that’d be great. Russell Howard
Tommy Tiernan is an Irish comic who I believe is one of the finest in the world. Russell Howard
I don’t really have a political agenda, I just like things to be fair – I get angered by pomposity and privilege. Russell Howard
I have 40 cousins. Russell Howard
When you are doing stand up, it is the most glorious hour, when you are an X-Men version of yourself, with lasers coming out of your eyes. Russell Howard
Audiences around the world are all pretty similar. People just rock up and want to have a laugh, although Americans whoop more than English crowds. Russell Howard
My life is quite normal and for me it helps with my comedy. If you jump headlong into celebrity life it affects who you are and what you talk about. Russell Howard
But I did break my mum’s heart, because I turned down ‘Strictly’ twice. I just couldn’t do it. It’s not for me. Russell Howard
Sometimes I skip breakfast, pop to the butcher and get sunburned while cooking meat. Russell Howard
The last thing you want to do is preach to the converted. What you want to do is talk about issues from a non-political point of view, from a human point of view. Russell Howard
Real life is hard. I’m sorry, but shopping at Tesco is not as much fun as writing jokes for TV shows, and I struggle with it. Russell Howard
The hit rap duo Kris Kross wore their trousers backwards, in the Nineties, and I wore my trousers backwards to a school disco. It led to some bullying. Russell Howard
If you want any attention in the Howard household, you have to shout quite loudly and try to develop a personality. Russell Howard
Chappelle is incredible. He is comfy on stage and he talks about big things and small things. He’s a version of himself. That’s what I’ve always wanted to be and hopefully I still am. Russell Howard
I buy a lot of Liverpool trinkets. I’ve got Philippe Coutinho’s boot – I spent three grand on that. Which, you know, is insane. But it’s Philippe Coutinho’s boot, what you gonna do? Russell Howard
I buck the trend: I eat avocados on a Sunday morning and I’m a homeowner. Russell Howard
My mum is unwittingly funny. Russell Howard
Oddly, I am really cool under pressure. Russell Howard
I’m trying to write a film with my friend. I’d love to get the thrill of speaking actors making my work even funnier. Russell Howard
Most comics’ first gig is either brilliant or horrific. Russell Howard
I did a stand-up performance on Conan O’Brian, which was great, but it’s not for me. I prefer England. Russell Howard
I just assume a lot of people hate me. You just have to suck it up. Russell Howard
What do you know when you’re 19? I was just stomping around doing gigs. Russell Howard
It takes a lot to stop myself scrambling around and reading the news. Russell Howard
Neither me or my wife are any good at cooking. Russell Howard
Seinfeld’ was never a show in the U.K. Russell Howard
There’s a club called Headliners in Chiswick where I do a lot of my warmups for tours. For me it’s a nice ‘big-small’ room: it’s a 300 seater, which feels small but you can still get big laughs. Russell Howard
I just don’t care what people like Lily Allen think about stuff. Russell Howard
I’m really not into technology at all. My brother has to plug the Xbox in for me. Russell Howard
Sometimes improv doesn’t work on TV because the audience had heard the thing that was shouted and they’re very much alive, the audience in the room – they’re alive in that moment. Whereas the audience sat at home on the sofa, it feels like it’s part of a party that they haven’t been invited to. Russell Howard
I broke my wrist on TV trying to do a one-armed push-up. A lot of people delight in pointing this out to me. Russell Howard
I’m one of the people who actually laughs at everyone else’s jokes! Russell Howard
The British Museum is great for seeing how excellent we were at stealing things. Russell Howard