Welcome to the captivating world of Michael McIntyre Quotes, where laughter knows no bounds and wit reigns supreme. Michael McIntyre, the renowned British comedian, has graced audiences worldwide with his impeccable timing, sharp observations, and uproarious humor. With his unique ability to find hilarity in the mundane aspects of life, McIntyre has carved a niche for himself in the realm of stand-up comedy, earning widespread acclaim and adoration.
Born with an innate gift for comedy, Michael McIntyre’s comedic prowess transcends cultural barriers, leaving audiences in stitches regardless of their background. His distinctive comedic style, characterized by witty anecdotes and relatable observations, has garnered him a dedicated following and cemented his status as one of the most beloved comedians of our time. Whether he’s riffing on the absurdities of everyday life or poking fun at societal norms, McIntyre’s humor strikes a chord with audiences, eliciting laughter that is both contagious and cathartic.
Prepare to embark on a journey of laughter and insight as we delve into the world of Michael McIntyre’s most memorable quotes. From humorous musings on family life to astute observations about modern society, McIntyre’s wit knows no bounds. So sit back, relax, and indulge in the comedic brilliance of Michael McIntyre. The quotes await below, ready to be savored, shared, and cherished.
The only critics who annoy me are the ones who come to my shows even when they’re clearly not fans of my work. Michael McIntyre
Stand-up comedy is what I do, and it’s so rewarding. If you write a joke and tell it to an audience of 15,000 people who laugh their heads off at it, it’s the best feeling in the world. Michael McIntyre
One of the positives of getting older is that you forget your age. Then you find out that you’re younger than you thought you were. Michael McIntyre
If you can help it, don’t be rude to people. When you’re rude about someone and the audience laugh you can’t deny that it’s a bullying laugh. Michael McIntyre
I feel a bit weird about turning 40. It makes you feel like you’ve passed over on to the other side a bit. Michael McIntyre
It would be nice if I had a faster metabolism, because I love food. Michael McIntyre
I like jokes where people don’t stop laughing. Michael McIntyre
I thought I was going to do some cult, cool, late-night interviewing thing on BBC2. But everyone kept saying: ‘No, Michael, you’re teatime, you’re not cool.’ Michael McIntyre
It’s a weird one: nobody notices when a brilliant comedian is fat or has sweat marks under their arms. Peter Kay isn’t in the best shape and neither is Ricky Gervais, and it doesn’t matter. Still, I like to feel like I’m transforming into something quite cool when I go on stage. Michael McIntyre
I think everyone wants to know why I look like this. These jokes I make about looking Chinese… My mother’s from Hungary and my dad was from Canada. There’s a lot of immigration in my past. Michael McIntyre
I would never be rude about somebody else in my profession because we all do this same thing. We’re just trying to make people laugh. Michael McIntyre
I have no ambitions to act, because I don’t know how to. Michael McIntyre
I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring and I even had it engraved – with the price. Michael McIntyre
One of the weirdest things about Christmas in this country is that people love to watch ‘EastEnders’ when everyone’s in floods of tears and there’s a huge row. I don’t know if watching it makes them feel better about their own day. Personally, I would rather try to be a bit more positive! Michael McIntyre
I usually do quite well with presents, but the problem with Christmas is it’s such a big build-up and such a big day that if someone tests you the year after, you’ve got no idea what you got. Michael McIntyre
Men need to be with women otherwise I don’t think they really know how to behave. They’ll just stare at me and it’s awkward, so I scramble around in my mind to say the rudest things I can think of just to get something out of them. Michael McIntyre
I definitely wanted a Ferrari 328 – I was obsessive about cars as a kid. Michael McIntyre
Sometimes I worry about things changing and people not liking me any more. As a comedian you do feel like you’re walking on a knife edge. Michael McIntyre
I don’t eat huge amounts, I’m just very lazy. But then this story appeared about me being on a diet and several weeks later I was snapped on holiday with my ”new physique” on display, which was basically my old physique under a baggy T-shirt. I hadn’t been on any diet. But I felt I had to live up to it. Michael McIntyre
A responsive crowd is great – they help you see new things in your comedy. Michael McIntyre
I don’t want a chat show or to be on telly every day, as that’s not my business; my business is standing in front of people and making them laugh, and I want to see how far I can get with that. Michael McIntyre
I call people ‘captain’ a lot and it makes them feel special. Until they hear me using it for everyone, that is. Michael McIntyre
Before I went into comedy I was a loner, very much wrapped up in my own thoughts. But I always liked myself and the way I thought. Michael McIntyre
I just find little things in life funny, it’s why I giggle during my shows. Michael McIntyre
I’ve always just tried to make the audience laugh. Michael McIntyre
Comedy provides an escape from the horrors of real life. Michael McIntyre
I don’t know how it is with other people’s relationships, but my wife is always much more tired than me because she works much harder looking after the children, which is an endless battle – a lot of it is battling with them to stop battling with each other. Michael McIntyre
I had a great moment with Michael Buble where I asked him if he could teach me to sing like him and he said why we don’t sing together, so we did! It was great because my wife and children came to watch his performance. Michael McIntyre
People have their special room for Christmas. One year my mum left her present on the arm of the sofa and it was still there the following Christmas! Michael McIntyre
I really, really love stand-up. Michael McIntyre
My life is spent in hotels, which tend to be quite disappointing if you’re in them every night. Michael McIntyre
If I’m honest, I think everything is funny. You’ve just got to find the right way in. When I’m at my happiest and when I’m really on it, when I feel like I’m really on good form at the moment, everything can be funny. Michael McIntyre
I don’t like upsetting people. Michael McIntyre
I don’t watch any other comedy, I don’t study stand-up as an art. Michael McIntyre
I go to the British Comedy Awards and, you know, quite a few people were making jokes at my expense. It just made me feel awful, because I am there with my wife and she has gone out and bought a dress. And it is my big night and I won, and yet the overriding experience was that of nastiness. Michael McIntyre
I’m not going to crack America. Michael McIntyre
There’s nothing better than having a bright, blinding light in your face and being guided by big, rolling laughter. There’s nothing more encouraging than hearing that huge sound. I’ve waited my whole life to hear that. You come away with the biggest high of your life. Michael McIntyre
I went to quite a nice school as a kid, where everyone was quite posh, because my dad was making some money. Michael McIntyre
I suppose I’m always a little bit on edge. Michael McIntyre
I can sit and write clever things, but that never quite works as well as when I’m just chatting about stupid things in the moment. Michael McIntyre
I don’t go around straightening pictures or anything like that, but I do obsess about the safety of those I love, particularly the kids. Michael McIntyre
Australia is fun, but completely exhausting and confusing because I never get on with the different time zone. Michael McIntyre
I wanted to bat for the England cricket team. I was quite good at cricket. But then I kept getting out for low scores. It turned out I didn’t have the talent. Michael McIntyre
I like the stage lights to be bright so I can’t see people because I will inevitably only see the ones who aren’t laughing. Michael McIntyre
My wife is very fit and looking younger every day, whereas I’m looking older day by day. Michael McIntyre
I’m sure there are comedians who make jokes about me, but say something funny, not mean. Michael McIntyre
I get looks like I can’t raise my child, but I can. Michael McIntyre
Given this voice, I know it does sound like I’ve come from money. But my dad was Canadian and my mum Hungarian, so it’s not like I have some high-society, upper-class English background. Michael McIntyre
I don’t understand people who write blogs and have children. You can’t stop in the middle of bathtime and say: ‘I’m just going to write a load of words – for free.’ I won’t do it – unless someone wants to commission me. Michael McIntyre
I’ve got some Jewish ancestry and I don’t like waste. Michael McIntyre
I don’t just like to use punchlines anymore, especially in arenas. They freak me out. There is nothing worse than 15,000 people waiting for a punchline. Michael McIntyre
I always knew I was quite good at getting laughs. At school, I loved having a ready audience if I made a cheeky remark. Michael McIntyre
Now I almost overly embrace how weird I am, how I look and how oddly camp I am. It’s almost too honest for me because I harboured ambitions to be quite a cool, good-looking guy. Michael McIntyre
I do speak well as I went to a posh school. But I come from no real breeding. Michael McIntyre
I’ve always found the world funny and enjoy laughing at it, and that’s what all comedians do. Michael McIntyre
I worked every single night, not even caring if I got paid, to get myself known. Within a year I was on the Royal Variety Show and that was it. Michael McIntyre
It’s hard to see your dad once in a blue moon. Michael McIntyre
I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I’d have nowhere left to go. Michael McIntyre
I’m glad Carol Vorderman has left ‘Countdown;’ I mean, it’s not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker. Michael McIntyre
Hard audiences tend to be when it’s all men. It’s when businesses have dos where they’re at conferences all day then book a comedian for the evening. They’re men of a certain age – basically middle-aged, balding, 50 to 60 years old and I just know I can’t make these people laugh hysterically. Michael McIntyre
I’m thrilled at the continued success of the ‘Big Show.’ Michael McIntyre
Britain’s Got Talent’ is about those moments when an unknown person takes to the stage and changes their life in the space of a few minutes. Michael McIntyre
I got my big break at the Royal Variety Performance in 2006 and returned in 2008, but now to host it is such an honour and I’m unbelievably excited. Michael McIntyre
I’ve heard that my father was a really funny man in company, but I never got to see that side of him. I was just 17 when he died, and he didn’t know that I was funny. Michael McIntyre
Success and arena shows are a great anti-depressant. Michael McIntyre
Making the ‘Big Show’ has been the most fun I’ve had on telly. Michael McIntyre
It’s such a lie that women go for funny men. Michael McIntyre
I was in Starbucks and the person in front of me said: ‘Can I have a tall, skinny, black Americano please?’ I said: ‘Are you ordering coffee or voting in the U.S. elections?’ Michael McIntyre
The last thing you want is for people not to care about what you have to say. Michael McIntyre
I never felt like I belong to anything – to any groups of friends. I never really had that. Michael McIntyre
The people who don’t like me are completely irrelevant to me, just as I’m irrelevant to them. Michael McIntyre
I want to look svelte. Michael McIntyre
Coming up with your own opinion is hard. When I go to see a movie I don’t really know if I enjoyed it, so I ask my wife and listen to people talking on the way out. If they all say it was magnificent I’ll agree! Michael McIntyre
I’ve been performing stand-up comedy for ten years, it’s what I love and will always do. Michael McIntyre
I think actually performing on stage when everyone’s facing you and you’re one person facing them, that is quite a lonely thing in a strange way. You have to be quite insular from everybody else, you’ve got thousands of people staring at you and you’re just on your own. Michael McIntyre
Ruthlessness is not something that comes easily. Michael McIntyre
I’ve always felt so unconnected to other comedians. Michael McIntyre
Women like me. Women love me. But not so my wife need worry. Not in a ‘he’s so hot’ type of way. More in a ‘come round for a cup of tea’ way. Michael McIntyre
I don’t have any writers. I never get a laugh with somebody else’s jokes. I can’t do it justice. Michael McIntyre
Our family home, a large house in Hampstead, was sold to Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. I remember being told that ‘someone who eats bats’ was buying it. Michael McIntyre
You have to be realistic. Not everyone is going to like you, so you have to focus on the ones who do. Michael McIntyre
I had some terrible times – comparatively speaking. I saddled myself with a load of debt, I wasn’t liked by a lot of my fellow comics and I used to blame other people for me not getting a break. But now I realise I just wasn’t very good. And as soon as I became good, things took off pretty quickly. Michael McIntyre
The world is in a bit of a state. I don’t know how it’s happened so quickly but everyone’s a bit on edge. I’m not sure that our leaders are doing a great job globally. We’re hoping on Trump and Kim Jong-un – these two people who maybe aren’t necessarily the sanest. Michael McIntyre
I found the idea of trying to create a show that everyone can enjoy really appealing. Michael McIntyre
Maybe people just can’t cope with how jovial I am. Michael McIntyre
I sometimes reflect on my own life on stage and no one laughs, but you have to have faith in it and hope that people will laugh. Michael McIntyre
Fame is sexy. And women are meant to find men who are funny sexy. But not me. Absolutely not me. Clearly I just missed the sexy bit. Michael McIntyre
I think if anyone becomes so obnoxious to believe they could be a national treasure, they just need to go on Twitter and realise they’re not. That’s there to curtail anybody’s confidence. Michael McIntyre
I always used to want everyone to like me, because it used to hurt so much when people made snidey comments or gave me bad reviews, but I’ve learnt to deal with it. Michael McIntyre
Sometimes it’s difficult to laugh at certain things but comedy can help. Michael McIntyre